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The List

November 5, 2011

Lately i have been getting REALLY annoyed with myself concerning my life….

i feel like i’m in a ginormous rut, so incredibly deep that when i look up i cant see over the edge.
all i see are all the things i want to do and become, but no matter how high i jump i cant quite touch them.

i mean, i know i’m doing right by going to school and getting my degree and stuff…
i know that even though it may not feel like i’m going anywhere i am…
but i’m tired of it.

so, i’m making a list.
a list of all the things i want to do and accomplish in my life.
why am i making a list?
because if i see all the things i want to do and be, then maybe i will get some sort of inspiration or excitement…or something like that.
and hey, maybe this will inspire you to make one.

here we go!
( this list is in no particular order)

go to Africa and build & run an orphanage/school

travel the world, and i mean travel. i want to see everything.

decide one day i want to go somewhere, drop everything, and go.

(somehow) have enough courage to sing in front of a large audience

attend a red carpet event

sew a shirt for myself by myself

have the most beautiful wedding ever

start a family

cook a legit gourmet dinner

plant and maintain a garden

fly a kite!!!

perform as many random acts of kindness i can


make amazing memories by myself and with the people i love.


Drop Dead Gorgeous

December 1, 2010

when someone says the word beautiful, what comes to mind?
a beautiful piece of art?
a sunrise in an exotic country?
the sound of a hundred violins playing Motzart with 10 different harmonies?

sadly, I doubt any of these came to mind.
when i hear the word beauty those things dont automatically pop in my mind.
I think of like, Megan Fox  or something along those lines.
However, if you automatically start thinking about sunrises or pieces of art, you are a lucky individual and I applaud you!
But I bet most people thought about a famous actress, or a girl from a cover girl commercial.

Why am i ranting about this now?
well in my english class we have had some very interesting discussions on women and how they are treated as sex objects, and it got me to think.

America has such a twisted view of beauty. we think it is all about looks.
About how clear someones skin is or how toned their muscles are.
Who started that???? 
I would like to personally slap them.

this is what the dictionary defines beauty as:
Beauty- noun
the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

lets break it down.
it says beauty comes from intense pleasure or deep satisfication of the mind, from sesnory manifestations…

Th dictionary says it can come from seeing, touching, smelling, tasting (nothing sexual :P) anything.

So why does it have to be about looks with us?
I want to get to the point to where when someone says beauty I think of a song being played by violins
or a beautiful Albuquerque sunrise.

                        Ugly?                                                                                       Beauty?

the photos above are both of models.
the one to the left is a woman who won americas next top model (dont know what season) she is, in fact, a plus sized model.
the one to the right is a regular model.

tell me americas view of beauty isnt twisted.
tell me when someone goes into relationships this is what they think of.

this affects so many relationships in so many ways.
looks should not matter as much as they do.

The Sex Effect

December 1, 2010

So in english we watched some commercials of how the media portrays sex,
how industries use sex as a selling tool,

in total we watched about 4 commercials one being the one below: please watch it

Pros of commercial:
Yes, this commercial is VERY effective.
The thought of having millions of “sexy” women running through a jungle or swimming across the ocean, all in small bikinis, would be the ULTIMATE dream of an average guy. right?

Therefore we can assume that Axe is saying that if men wear that cologne then this dream will become a reality.

One could argue that no one should take this commercial seriously, it is just a company trying to sell a product and is doing so in a very extreme way. Who would actually believe this is going to happen when they spray axe cologne on themselves?

These women wanted to be on the commercial, other wise they would not have been there. it was THEIR choice.

People need to stop taking commercials like this so serious.

If it were a woman’s perfume commercials with billions of men running after a woman it wouldn’t be considered discusting at all. Double standards?

It was funny.

Cons of commercial:
It degrades women by saying that they are so stupid that a cologne makes us into this.

It uses women as sex objects, the fact that they are in bikinis shows this.  Why couldn’t they have been in regular clothes?

The media is eventually going to use commercials like this to make men believe that this is all women are good for.

Women will start to believe that this is all they are good for: sex and to be the mens” eye candy”

This stereotypes women into categories, ones who look like the women in the commercial and others. Will the women in the commercial be the only acceptable ones in society in the future?

In order for women to be in a commercial they have to look like this and do what the director says, therefore they might not have necessarily “wanted” to do this. They might have had to.

And now you get to hear my thoughts 🙂

Personally, when I saw this commercial I didn’t immediately get angry.
Honestly, I laughed a little.
I was on the side of “It’s just a commercial, why do people take is so seriously?”

Then the class went into a discussion about it,
and my view-point totally changed.

I mean some of the guys in my class started saying things about the commercial, like how it was awesome and how they want to go buy a can of Axe today and spray it all over them. (not to point any guys out, im not trying to say they are pigs or anything at all! The guys saw the commercial and, well, they are guys. lol)

That was when I started thinking.
That commercial shows what I am supposed to act/be like.
I am supposed to be able to wear a skimpy bikini and run after a man.


Not only that but what if whenever a guy sees me, or any other woman for that fact, they think of that commercial?
They think that women should run after the guy, while still looking very sexy in their swim suits.

for example:
The WORST thing that a guy can do to a girl is call her by his exes name, right?
Or think of her while they are on dates etc…
How is this any different?

What if this commercial makes men think of the women here while “searching” for a girlfriend?
Or even worse, what if this commercial makes men think of the women on here while they are with their current girlfriend, fiance, wife?

I realized how stereotyped I AM,
I used to think that things like that affected others, not me.
know what I mean?
I was just apathetic about it.

Now I’m not saying im going to go and join a radical feminist group, but I am not going to support products that do these kinds of things.
will it do anything?
Probably not.
Will Axe really care or even notice?
Probably not.

But at least I’m doing something right?

So at the beginning of this blog, my whole intention was to break the fairytale dreams of love and romance so that people can have what they want in reality.
For women to stop trying to find the stereotypical “prince charming” and find the guy who can be their very OWN prince charming.
For men to stop trying to find cinderella, and find the woman who can be their very own cinderella.

But there’s another dream that needs some breaking.
It’s a big one.
And it has already taken over almost EVERY guys mind.

The dream of finding a woman who has the body of a goddess, wears small bikinis, and looks damn good.

Yeah guys, there are plenty of women who look like this.
And I am not dissing them at all.

But what about the majority of us who can’t?
Will guys just simply overlook us?
I sure hope not.

Relationships are more than just looks, dont get me wrong, looks can play an important part because if you are not physically attracted to them than you wont be emotionally, but it is more than that.

They are journeys that are worth taking even if you get hurt because you come out learning more about yourself than you did before.
Its fun 🙂

Emotionally Attached

November 14, 2010

Museum: –noun
  • a building or place where works of art, scientific specimens, or other objects of permanent value are kept and displaye
Patrick Nagatani, famous artist, was born in 1945 in Chicago, Illinois to Japanese immigrants.
Both his parents had been put into concentration camps in the United States during WWII (aka Japanese Internment)
His uncle fought in the United States army against Japan.

Friday morning at 10:00 am my whole english class was huddled outside of the art museum in Popejoy Hall at UNM.
It was probably one of the last things that we had wanted to do that day, especially that early in the morning.

Im not going to lie, I was not thrilled out of my mind either, but it was better than sitting in the basement of Popejoy my english class calls a “classroom” (which does not even have enough desks for 20 people).
I have been to art museums before like the Smithsonian in Washington DC, it was beautiful but well…boring.

I was expecting an old decrepid man who can barely see the art anymore to come and give us a tour and show us all of the art, tell us a biography of each artist, move on to the next, do the same thing etc.

I was wrong.

A woman met us at the door. “This is going to be quite different for many of you, we are going to have a discussion. Be generous with your thoughts please!”
All I could think was “great…this is going to go no where.”
If you knew my class…you would understand.

Yet again, I was wrong.

We followed her to a corner in the museum where 3 pictures hung, there were stools set up for us to sit on.
The pictures we were blankly sitting in front of were all a collection by Patrick Nagatani and Antree Tracey. All Polaroids. (yes, Polaroids)

But we didn’t look at all of them, we merely focused on one, you guessed it, the one at the beginning of this blog.
Now we didn’t just sit and stare at it for the whole hour, she began to ask us questions about the Polaroid.
For background information we did not study a particular time period, artist, or piece of literature connected to the piece.
We knew absolutely nothing about the picture hanging in front of us.

Anyways, she began to ask us questions about the piece, like she was pulling our thoughts out of us so we could understand what we were looking at.
She asked what we noticed, what we thought looked interesting, what we liked, what we didn’t like, etc.
By doing this, slowly but surely, we put together the puzzle pieces and figured out what the artist was trying to say.

It was so amazing when we finally got the revelation about what the artist was portraying, and for me, it was very impacting.

The picture above is called “Alamogordo Blues”
It was made in 1987. Allow me to explain what i got from my experience.

All of the men in the photo are Japanese tourists,sitting in lawn chairs, taking pictures of a very important event in history.
July 16, 1945
The day the first atomic bomb was tested at the Trinity Site.


Because of this test the United States held a power and intelligence untouchable by other countries: extermination.
We then used this power on August 6, 1945.
The bombing of Hiroshima.

Patrick Nagatani, a Japanese-American who has the history noted above, had made a piece of art depicting relaxed Japanese-Americans watching an event that would lead to the destruction of a place that they had known and loved.


Why does this mean so much to me?
Why was I so impacted by this piece of art?

Well let me tell you a bit about me.
I am part Japanese.
My grandma was born and raised in Japan, her father was a councilor for the Japanese government and her mother was a store owner, so her family was VERY well off.  Including her there were 11 kids in the family, she is number 7.
The 2 oldest boys fought in WWII on the Japanese side.

I talk to my grandma often of her days in Japan, she loves telling me about them.
When we begin to talk about it she will take out all of her pictures and show me her brothers and sisters, her old house, pictures of her best friends, early boyfriends, maids, etc.

Then one day we got on the topic of WWII, one i might say that is very emotional for her to this day.
She told me one day her father came home very rushed and told them to pack, so they packed and went off to some place very high up. ( I don’t know exactly where.)
Some amount of days later they saw planes flying by, they really didn’t pay attention to whether they were Japanese or not.
some amount of hours later, “there was a very bright light that was from far away, I couldn’t look at it. It was almost like looking at the sun.”

The bombing of Hiroshima.

Her brothers were fighting.
Many of her family members still lived there.
Many of them died either from radiation related issues, or from the bomb itself.

This visit to the art museum resonated in me because that is my history.
It made me think of things I had known before, but never really dove into and dissected.
It was amazingly profound.

This peice of art for me says that familial relationships are so important.
The reason is, is because if my great-grandfather would not have moved and went somewhere else because of the bomb, then i would not be writing right now.
I wouldnt exist.

Not only that but if i didnt have the relationship i had with my grandma then i would be a totally different person.
She helps me see things in perspectives I have never seen or thought of before.


Just my thoughts…

The nameless, undescribed, untitled, unnoted whatchamacallit.

November 11, 2010

So I have had this blog for about a week…and it has no title. Dont get me wrong, I think about it all the time. and now it has gotten to the point of insanity.

I suck with titles.

However, I will keep trying because Jocelyn’s blog is really starting to get on my nerves. It sounds soooo incredibly LAME, I mean look at my side bar where it has all of my classmates blogs. ALL of them have amazing titles!  for example: “Trials and Tribulations”… I feel like a duh..duh..duh.. is needed there. Or “Shoot me Please” they are all so clever!!  anyways…  They have good titles. and mine, well mine stinks.

So I guess im going to go onto now and browse on there. hopefully some good will come out of it.

OH! and if any of you have any catchy ideas let me know! thanks 🙂

– Jocelyn

The dream

November 7, 2010

  A beautiful girl is with all her friends at the towns carnival. Now it’s a small town, probably no more than a couple thousand people. At the same time there is a very handsome guy with all his friends. He starts playing the game where you have to throw a ring onto coke bottles and hope it stays.

At first he is doing it because his friends said he couldn’t, a macho thing ya know? But then, all of a sudden, he sees…HER. The most beautiful girl in the whole town. She sees him, bats her eyelashes and smiles flirtatiously. Then the game becomes more than just to prove his friends wrong. It is to show off to…HER.

So $20 later, he has won the largest stuffed bear he had ever seen. And what does he do? He begins walking toward her, very nervous on the inside, but of course he would never show it. After all, he is macho.

And she, well, she is nervous as well. but she keeps smiling that flirtatious smile.

He is still walking toward her, and when he gets there, he gives her the huge bear. She takes it and shyly says “thank you”.

Now they are both married and have been for 50+ years with 4 kids and countless grand-children….right??

This is how every hopeless romantic dreams of falling in love. I mean this is how our love life is supposed to go:

1. falling in love at first sight 2. no matter what our parents say or class differences we still mary that special person 3. move out into a house in the country 3. have many cute kids 4. grow old together with the grand-kids playing in the back yard

Right? But I mean, this rarely ever happens! So why do we keep falling for it over and over and over?! ESPECIALLY the ladies.

Romantic relationships are so much more than this “love at first sight” dream that we all want more than anything else to believe in. And well, that is what part of this blog is going to be about: Breaking the dream, so we can have what we want in reality

Just my thoughts on the matter of romantic relationships…

My Favorite Quote

November 3, 2010

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.” -T.E. Lawrence

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